operameister:

thisismythanksgivingurl-gobble:

agentgreenfishy:

poselikeateam:

fuck-i-just:

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”

Why does this not have any notes?

lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”

“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”

“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”

(via fletcherirwn)

221stepstobakerstreet:

"he’s the murderer" the cop on tv says

"no it isn’t," i say, "we’ve still got twenty minutes left"

(via starkid-nerdfighter)

pepsimaxing:

this bra makes it hard to breathe but it makes my boobs look banging - a story by me

(via headlessflowercrown)